Pastor John,
Last night, you challenged us to write a letter about why we chose a particular thing to fast for the next three months. I’m fasting dating, which seems counterintuitive since I haven’t seriously dated since calling off my engagement.
At first, I wasn’t ready to date for months after calling it off, but after nearly two years, I’m lonely and want to settle down.
As therapy, I’m reflecting on my dating journey (it’ll be brief), to encourage myself on how far I’ve come and give you context about my desire.
The turning point in my dating life started in college. An unusual winter gale blew through on a late November weekend. I was with Chelsea, my girlfriend, at my buddy’s apartment on a Saturday night. She didn’t drink that night. By midnight, she urged me to stop drinking and go to sleep. I assured I’d join her in the spare bedroom. I wasn’t tired and wanted to stay up. I never made it there but passed out on the couch.
Hours later, she woke me up and informed me that she was headed to Mass. I didn’t know she was Catholic.
That wasn’t the biggest shock. When I suggested we meet up for lunch, she blurted that she wasn’t returning to school.
Now, I was awake. She explained she didn’t want to waste her life partying and attending school. Now was her opportunity to explore the world.
Attracted to the idea of dropping out and backpacking across Europe, I asked if she wanted me to travel with her.
She said, No. You don’t love me or love yourself.
Her words sobered me- not from drinking-but realizing I didn’t respect my girlfriends. But how could I? I was an alcoholic who didn’t respect myself.
A few years later when I stopped drinking, I made a vow that I’d date to marry and pledged I’d hold off on sex until I married.
I thought it’d be easy, but I was a “dry drunk”. I’d date, then get bored after six months when she’d want to talk marriage. I had already invested many hours in therapy, I was too tired to do the same in our relationship.
Eventually, I got healthy. So, when Presleigh came around, I was eager to marry. When she said, Yes, I got amped that this part of my life was beginning.
So, when she called it off, I was blindsided. Like reliving that confusion when Chelsea woke me and explained she was going off to travel the world.
I clung to hope that Presleigh and I would still get married. So, why did I call it off after we got back together?
I’ve thought about that moment many times and now understand clearer. I was in Chelsea’s shoes, sober and solemn, realizing what I wanted wasn’t what I had. I hoped in time Presleigh would understand, but I couldn’t squander this opportunity to pursue my dreams.
Did I question this decision? Nearly every day for months. Sometimes, I was tempted to call her. Admit I made a mistake. But I’d talk to friends or family, and they’d remind me why I called it off.
A year later, I went to Vegas to shoot a destination wedding. Vegas was too loud, too crowded, too showy. No way could I have settled down there with her. It was a moment of closure.
I’m anticipating through this fast, I’ll go deeper with God and gain patience about marrying. And when I meet the one, I pray I’ll jump in with both eyes open.
Featured Image Courtesy of Jose Antonio Alba from Pixabay.